The Sloe Gin
by Persephone of Peridot
Summary: After Morgana is taken away by Morgause, a guilt-wracked Merlin decides to give the Sloe Gin a try at consoling himself. Arthur finds him and listens to his drunken ramblings about poison, dragons, and magic. *Major spoilers*
1. Chapter 1

**(A/N: This is a totally random idea that came to me today when I was working on another story. I think I might make it two or three chapters. Or it might just be a oneshot. Not sure yet. The song is _If All She Has Is You _by John McGlynn from Anuna. A truly beautiful song and I would recommend looking it up if you get the chance. I hope you like it and please REVIEW!)**

The Sloe Gin

The streets of Camelot were dark and quiet.

Children lay silently, tucked away in their beds and their parents were also long gone to the realm of dreams. The only thing one could expect to see at this late hour was the guards who patrolled the streets, making sure that nothing was amiss. However, another person was out of bed as well, though didn't seem too happy to be so. Arthur Pendragon stalked down the shadowed road, muttering unintelligibly under his breath, his long jacket streaming behind him and his boots making dull thudding noises every time they made contact with the ground. A deep frown marred his aristocratic features and his brow was furrowed in what seemed to be irritation. Absently, he kicked a rickety wooden crate that had been left in the middle of the path out of his way, never once halting the angry tirade issuing from his mouth. Most of what he said was garbled and incoherent, but a few particularly incensed words like 'idiot' and 'useless' could be clearly distinguished and it was obvious that whatever else he _was_ saying wasn't anything too favorable.

The only building that still had light emanating from its depths was the royal stables and it was in that direction that Arthur was headed. Reaching the familiar structure, Arthur took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his temper before yanking the door open, not even reacting to the sharp crack and groan it gave in protest at being treated so harshly.

"Merlin!" Arthur hissed, striding into the darkened stable and heading towards where the only lamp rested on the wall of his own horse's stall, "Where are you?"

"Sire?" a weary voice replied and Arthur saw a dark head poke out of the from behind the wooden post, "What are you doing here?"

"Merlin, do you have any idea what time it is?" Arthur asked, his voice rising a little in his aggravation as he made his way over to his errant manservant, "Gaius is looking for you. What on earth is taking you so long?"

"Lots of muck to muck out," the other boy quipped as Arthur reached him, grinning dopily from where he stood leaning on the pitchfork in his hands, "And you said I had to get it done tonight or-"

"I know what I said," Arthur snapped, crossing his arms over his chest, "You can finish in the morning, _before_ bringing me my breakfast. But for godsake, go so that I can get some rest without Gaius harassing me about where you've gotten to. Seemed to think you might have jumped off a cliff or something without me there to watch you."

"Gaius worries too much," Merlin mumbled.

"On that we are agreed," Arthur growled, remembering the panicked look in the physician's eyes when he had come looking for Merlin in Arthur's chambers, "But he cares for you. Do not take that so lightly."

"He cares too much too," Merlin replied softly, averting his eyes to the ground. The grin had faded slightly, but still clung to his features looking oddly out of place.

"No he doesn't," the blonde rolled his eyes at his manservant's behavior. Half the time Arthur was convinced that the only reason Merlin argued with him was because he liked to contradict everything the prince said, "Now go home."

Merlin stumbled a bit as he turned back to the messy stall, "But I have to finish this or you said-"

"Merlin, you obviously weren't listening to me," Arthur said, tapping his foot in annoyance. Stupid boy doesn't obey him even when he's telling him _not _to work, "What I _said _was to leave it for tomorrow. You look dead on your feet. Go home."

"Sorry, Arthur," Merlin said, not bothering to turn back and look at him as he started shoveling again in a somewhat uncoordinated manner, "Too much muck needing mucking. And you know me, got to do what I think is right even though it's always the wrong thing to be doing."

"_Mer_lin," Arthur groaned and grabbed the boy's arm prepared to drag him out of the stable if necessary, when he got a whiff of something very strong.

"Merlin," Arthur said incredulously, peering into his manservant's glazed eyes, "Have you been _drinking_?"

"I wouldn't call it drinking exactly," Merlin said slowly, scrunching up his face in thought, "Drinking usually implies having a lot and I'm _pretty_ sure I only had one…or two…or…three..."

Arthur smacked his hand against his forehead in exasperation before dragging it slowly down his face in an attempt to pull himself together before he gave into the temptation to give the boy a good whack 'round the head. Knowing his luck, the only effect that would have is Merlin getting sick all over his boots.

Sighing, Arthur pulled on the servant's arm again, "C'mon, I'll take you back to Gaius. Maybe he can give you something for the horrendous hangover you'll be sure to have in the morning."

"NO!" Merlin exclaimed, yanking his arm out of Arthur's grip with surprising force, "I have to finish mucking the stables."

"As I am the one who told you to muck them out in the first place," Arthur said impatiently, grabbing hold of his arm once more despite Merlin's rather clumsy attempts to evade him, "I think I retain the privilege to change my mind. So, I am telling you that right now I want you to _go home_."

"But I have to muck out the stables!" Merlin cried, and Arthur was disturbed to see tears gathering in his manservant's eyes, "I promised I would and I have to keep my promises or I'll get fired and then where would you be?"

"To be honest, it probably wouldn't make much difference," Arthur muttered, attempting to tug Merlin out of the stall, "You don't do much of anything anyway."

"Stop! Let me go!" Merlin fought him, yanking on his captured arm with this other hand and attempting to dig his heels into the, unfortunately, hay-covered ground, "Let me go! Let me g- whoa!"

Merlin's foot caught on the wooden post, actually allowing him to break free from Arthur's hold, and he fell backwards, arms wind-milling in the air theatrically before he finally landed with a small _oof! _in a pile of (thankfully clean) hay.

"Honestly, Merlin," Arthur threw his hands up in exasperation, "You are ten times more of an idiot drunk than you are sober."

Merlin looked up at him blearily, not seeming to have really heard what he said, "Uh-thanks…I think."

Growling in frustration, Arthur rested his head in his hands and began swearing under his breath in a manner that would make even the boldest sailor blush. Merlin, for his part, didn't seem to be paying much attention as he reached over to a blue bottle resting on the ground near him which had previously escaped his notice. Pulling the cork out of the top with a loud popping noise, Merlin gazed thoughtfully into its depths before taking a long swig, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. Then, looking once more at the gin lying in the bottom of the bottle, Merlin swirled it around absently and began singing under his breath:

_"She told me we would last forever_  
_ That all she'd ever had was me_  
_ I've just said good-bye_  
_ Based on a lie that I told to my sweet love_  
_ But if all she has is you_  
_ Make sure you're one in a million_  
_ If all she has is you_  
_ Make sure you're one in a million"_

Merlin paused and looked up at Arthur who was still swearing away. "Do you remember when that bard sang that at the last feast? I'd never heard a song like that before," Merlin glanced down at the bottle still clenched in his trembling hand before taking another drink, "All the other bards sang about war and epic battles and heroes and damsels and great loves that turn the tide of time. But he didn't sing about victories or greatness. He was singing about his mistakes."

Arthur looked up to stare at his manservant's bowed head, but his eyes narrowed when they caught sight of the bottle still resting in his hands. "Give me that," he snapped, snatching the offending liquid away, leaving Merlin staring at the spot where it had been like he wasn't quite sure what had happened to it, "You don't need anymore gin. You've made enough of a fool out of yourself already."

Merlin was quiet for a moment, before he looked up at Arthur again, tears once more glistening in his eyes, "I am a fool, Arthur. I've made so many mistakes."

"Yes, you have," Arthur agreed gruffly, bending over to haul his servant to his feet, not really wanting to deal with a drunk Merlin _or _an emotional one, "The biggest one being when you decided you were going to get smashed this evening."

"No," Merlin said mournfully, no longer bothering to fight against Arthur who was literally trying to drag his limp form out of the stables, "The biggest one was much, much worse."

"It can't have been that bad," Arthur argued half-heartedly, "Give me a little help would you? You might be scrawny but you're not that light."

"It was," Merlin replied, not paying attention to Arthur's other comment and continuing to stand limply with his arm slung over Arthur's shoulder making their progress infinitely more slow, "I killed her."

"You didn't kill anyone," Arthur said wearily, still trying to coax Merlin into walking on his own.

"Yes, I did."

"Oh yeah? Who?" the prince inquired absentmindedly, pausing as a thought occurred to him. Reaching awkwardly around Merlin, he grabbed the lamp still resting on the side of the stall and blew it out, covering them in complete darkness.

"Morgana."

Arthur froze, "Morgana?"

"I poisoned her," Merlin said somberly, "With hemlock."

"Merlin, what are you talking about?" Arthur didn't even realize he had stopped dead in the middle of the stable, his servant still half-draped across his own body. Instead, he was staring at Merlin's face which gleamed in the moonlight seeping through the still open door, illuminating the tears that were running down his face.

"The dragon told me I had to," Merlin replied thickly, staring searchingly into Arthur's own eyes, looking at the same time more drunk and more sober than he had before, "He said it was the only way."

Arthur released the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding as he realized what Merlin was saying. Shaking his head at himself for getting worried in the first place, Arthur continued to drag the young man towards the exit. Merlin must really be inebriated if he was having hallucinations. He must still feel guilty about Morgana being kidnapped and now his mind was playing tricks on him, making him think he was directly responsible for her death. Arthur did not envy the headache he would surely have the next day.

"I'm sorry, Arthur," Merlin moaned, shutting his eyes tightly in an attempt to stem the tears, "I didn't want to do it."

"Oh calm down, Merlin, and stop your blubbering," Arthur rolled his eyes, "I'm not angry."

"I didn't know what to do," Merlin went on and Arthur sighed to himself. It seemed he wouldn't be able to get him to shut up till he'd gotten this 'confession' out of his system, "I hope Morgause was able to save her."

"Well, she is a sorceress," Arthur replied, hauling Merlin over to the wall of the stable and propping him up against it so that he could shut the door, "If anyone could save Morgana from poison it would be her."

"She was so angry," Merlin murmured as Arthur lifted him to his feet again and Arthur could feel him shivering, "She didn't understand that I had to do it. Otherwise the knights would have killed you."

Despite knowing that Merlin really had no idea what he was saying, Arthur couldn't help but feel offended by this comment. "Nice to know you had so little faith in me, Merlin," Arthur groused, pulling him along a little harder than was strictly necessary.

"You're a good fighter, Arthur," Merlin replied absently, "but even you can't defeat magical knights who can't die."

"Point taken," Arthur sighed, "Now, really Merlin, could you walk on your own just a little bit? I don't really fancy the idea of hauling your sorry ass all the way back to the castle."

"She had to die," Merlin continued, clearly not paying any attention to Arthur anymore, "The dragon said so."

Arthur groaned and continued their slow way through the deserted streets, the light of the moon their only guide in the darkness.

"And who is this dragon who told you to kill Morgana?" Arthur grunted as he maneuvered Merlin into a different position that would hopefully do less damage to his back.

"The dragon under the castle."

Arthur raised his eyebrows, "The Great Dragon talked to you? What'd he do? Just invite you down for a cup of tea and a nice chat in the caves?"

"He talks to me all the time," Merlin mumbled, "After all, I'm his _kin_."

This last word was uttered very bitterly and when Arthur glanced down at the dark-haired servant he saw that he was a deep frown on his face.

"His kin? So you're a dragon, then?" Arthur questioned, smirking in amusement and at the same time wondering if Merlin was merely drunk or had lost his sanity.

"No," Merlin replied shortly, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Fair enough," Arthur said, focusing once more on the road in front of him and silently wondering how the gates seemed to have moved so much farther away than he remembered, "So, why did he want you to kill her?"

"She was the vessel for the spell Morgause put on Camelot that made everyone fall asleep. That was why she was the only one awake."

Arthur shook his head in astonishment at the story Merlin's mind had managed to conjure up. It was so ridiculous that if he didn't know better, he might have almost thought it was true, "You sure it wasn't just the potion Gaius gave her."

"No, I made that up," Merlin replied flatly, but tears appeared in his eyes once more making them glow with an almost eerie light in the dark street. He looked almost crazed and at the same time utterly broken.

"Why'd you make it up?" Arthur said, stopping and looking at the boy quizzically. This fantastical tale had taken an odd turn and Arthur found himself strangely intrigued.

"To protect her."

"From who?"

"From you."

Arthur reeled away in shock. "Me?!" he repeated, stunned.

"I thought that the reason she was awake was because she had magic," Merlin said quietly, his eyes glazing over once more, "At least, at first."

Somehow, they had finally reached the edge of the drawbridge, but Arthur was not quite so happy to see it as he would have been a minute ago. He wanted to know what Merlin's mind had concocted in his drunken state as it was a bizarrely fascinating tale, however unrealistic.

"Hold on," he said, and lowered the servant to the ground, leaning him against the city wall. Stretching his neck and shaking his arm to get the feeling back in it, Arthur glanced around for anyone who may be nearby. However, no one was. The town was quiet without even the marching of the guard to be heard. They would not be interrupted.

"Ok, Merlin," Arthur said, sitting down next to him, "So tell me this again. A dragon told you that you had to kill Morgana to break the spell on Camelot that was keeping everyone asleep. The reason was because Morgana was the vessel for the spell. And Morgana was the vessel because she had…magic? And that's why she wasn't asleep?"

"No," Merlin replied, leaning his head against the wall and tiredly shutting his eyes, "She had magic, yes. But the reason she wasn't asleep was because she was the vessel. Anyone else with magic was affected the same as everyone else."

"How do you know that?"

"Because people who had magic were falling asleep."

"But how to do _know _that any of the others had magic? They were all citizens of Camelot and magic is banned."

"I know because," Merlin's voice trailed off as his head came to rest on his chest, "because…"

"Merlin!" Arthur elbowed the dark-haired boy in the ribs making his head snap up and flinch away, "Don't go to sleep! I had to drag myself all the way to the stables to get you and then drag you all the way here. You are not going to sleep until I say so."

"Yes, sire," Merlin replied wearily, and Arthur felt only a twinge of guilt.

"Now," Arthur said, poking him in the ribs pointedly, "Lets move on. So, you poisoned her with hemlock. And then…?"

"Morgause came in and I told her I wouldn't say what I'd poisoned her with until she called off the knights," Merlin replied softly, eyes closed once more, "When she did, I gave her the bottle and then she took Morgana away."

Arthur stayed silent, contemplating this. What an odd tale. Merlin's mind was really more convoluted that he had originally thought.

Arthur was taken out of these thoughts when he heard Merlin speak brokenly, "You should have seen her face. She looked so betrayed."

"Merlin, you didn't kill her," Arthur said, deciding that since he'd heard the whole story there was no need to encourage him any further in his delusions. He sounded far too upset.

"I might as well have," Merlin whispered, tears running down his face, "She trusted me. She thought I was her friend. And I lied to her. I was the only one she'd told about her magic and I threw that trust in her face. I should have found another way. There _must_ have been another way."

"Merlin, Morgana didn't have magic," Arthur insisted, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder and shaking him gently, hoping to snap him out of this gin-induced hell, "She was kidnapped. You didn't kill her. You didn't poison her. The Great Dragon can't talk. Everything is fine."

Merlin lifted his head and looked at him through unfocused eyes, "You don't believe me."

"Merlin, it just isn't true," Arthur sighed, "You're drunk. None of that is real."

"I knew you wouldn't," Merlin murmured, not listening, "You never believe me. Not even when I told you I was a sorcerer."

"That's because you're _not _a sorcerer," Arthur replied, trying to fight down a laugh at the very thought. If Merlin was a sorcerer then he was a woman.

"Whatever," Merlin said, sounding resigned and he struggled to push himself to his feet.

"Merlin wait!" Arthur said, scrambling up after him, just in time to catch the clumsy servant as he stumbled.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Merlin whispered, face paling dramatically as he dropped to his knees. Then he began to retch.

Arthur tried to control his disgust and stood there awkwardly as Merlin convulsed on all fours, throwing up a pitifully small amount before giving way to dry heaves. When he was finally finished, Arthur grabbed him before he could collapse face first into his own vomit and lifted him slowly to his feet. Merlin's pale face was covered in a light sheen of sweat and his breathing came in short, shallow gasps that sounded almost painful.

Placing Merlin's arm around his shoulder once more, Arthur muttered, "Calm down, Merlin. Deep breaths."

As the drunken boy's breathing slowly evened out, Arthur maneuvered them over the drawbridge towards Gaius' quarters. When they entered the room, it was dark, Arthur having assured the physician that he would return Merlin to his room and wake him if there was any problem.

"Quiet now," Arthur said, softly, "Don't want to wake Gaius."

Merlin obediently made no sound and he was carried up the stairs to his small room and set gently down onto his bed. Kicking off his boots, Merlin almost seemed to forget Arthur was even there. As he lay down, not even bothering to get under the covers, Merlin began humming the same song from before:

"_What can I say?  
I didn't know what happened today  
I'd written a song to string her along  
I knew it was wrong_

_She told me we would last forever  
That all she'd ever had was me"_

Merlin's soft, lilting voice trailed off and Arthur watched him silently. Merlin was drunk, Arthur knew. But he still was worried. He couldn't ever remember Merlin getting this trashed. He knew that Merlin had had a little thing for Morgana, with the flowers and late-night visits, but it seemed that her absence was affecting him more than he'd originally thought. 'Perhaps that was why Gaius was so worried when Merlin didn't come home,' Arthur thought, 'He knows he's heartbroken and was worried he'd done something rash.'

Pulling the covers out from under his manservant gently, Arthur lay them over Merlin's frail body, telling himself all the while that it was only because he didn't want Merlin getting sick and missing even more work than the day he would surely miss tomorrow due to a hangover.

Turning and moving towards the door, Arthur paused one last time and glanced back at the boy's sleeping face, lined with worry even in unconsciousness. He lingered for a moment, before shaking himself and leaving quickly. However, the haunting melody of the bard's song echoed in his head long after he himself had surrendered to the temptation of sleep.

_She told me we would last forever_  
_ That all she'd ever had was me_  
_ I've just said good-bye_  
_ Based on a lie that I told to my sweet love_  
_ But if all she has is you_  
_ Make sure you're one in a million_  
_ If all she has is you_  
_ Make sure you're one in a million_


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Merlin. If I did Morgana would not smirk nearly so often. **

Pain. Pain was the first thing Merlin was aware of as he returned to consciousness. It seared through his head making his eyes water and the world spin. Squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to regain some form of equilibrium, Merlin hissed through his teeth. The warlock was sure that something must have been bashing him over the head the whole night as he doubted there was anything else that would be able to cause him such excruciating agony. His limbs felt heavy and numb as though weighed down with stones, and the idea of movement was extremely daunting. Cracking his eyes open experimentally, he shut them again immediately as the sunlight streaming in through his dusty window suddenly seemed to equate having the whole sun right there in the middle of his bedroom. A strong feeling of nausea swept over him and Merlin could feel bile rising in the back of his throat. Feeling his mouth begin to water, Merlin rolled over quickly, groaning as his head protested the sudden movement, and retched over the side of the bed. Little to nothing came up, but Merlin continued to heave, a shooting pain ripping through his head with each convulsion causing another spike of nausea that left him gasping for breath. It was a viscous cycle that made him feel as though he wanted to _die_.

Finally the feeling subsided and Merlin passed a trembling hand over his sweat soaked brow and muttered shakily, "I am never drinking again."

"I certainly hope not," came a voice from the doorway and the warlock glanced up slowly to see Gaius watching him with a combination of sternness and pity.

"Morning, Gaius," Merlin croaked, giving the physician a weak smile.

Then, looking back down at the mess on the floor, Merlin groaned again and passed a hand over it causing it to vanish. He pushed himself up on shaking arms in an attempt to get into a sitting position. After a moment, Gaius moved to help him and with his assistance they were able to get him propped up on his pillows in a semi-comfortable way.

"Now," Gaius said, sitting down on the bed and placing a hand on Merlin's forehead, peering into his glazed eyes, "How are you feeling?"

"Terrible," Merlin said honestly, wincing once more at the pain in his head, "What happened last night, Gaius?"

"From what I understand," Gaius replied, standing up and going over to his rounds kit which was resting by the door, "You decided to try and drink all the gin in the kingdom last night."

Merlin winced at the disapproving tone his mentor used and bowed his head in contrition when the physician glanced back at him with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm sorry, Gaius," Merlin apologized sincerely, "I don't know what I was thinking."

Gaius did not reply for a moment and Merlin winced once more as he heard Gaius' shuffling footsteps moving closer, not looking forward to the lecture that was coming. However, he was pleasantly surprised when Gaius merely rested his hand on Merlin's shoulder and looked at him gently.

"You are young, Merlin," Gaius said, sitting down on the bed once more with two vials clutched in his hand, "You are going to make mistakes. It is a part of growing up. We all must discover our limits."

"Well, I found mine," Merlin grinned feebly, "And I never want to revisit them ever again."

Gaius didn't crack a smile at the joke. Instead, he sighed, "That is not what I am concerned about," the physician looked at his ward seriously, "Merlin, why did you do it?"

Merlin froze momentarily before quickly averting his eyes. He's sort of hoped that Gaius would just assume he'd wanted to get drunk in a fit of immature stupidity, but he should have realized that the old physician knew him far too well. He knew that Merlin would never act as he had without reason. It simply wasn't in his nature to be a big drinker. Even if it was, he hardly had the time, access, or money to drink very often. His many responsibilities laid far too heavily on his shoulders for him to consider going to the tavern for a pint with some of the other servants in the castle. He couldn't risk losing his job as Arthur's manservant when it placed him in such a perfect position to protect the prince and he certainly couldn't risk being too drunk to protect Camelot from its many enemies. What would happen if some sorcerer attacked the city and Merlin was too busy nursing a hangover to take care of it? There was simply too much to lose. Unfortunately, this meant he missed out on many of the frivolities of young, unmarried life, drinking being a prime example. Merlin would not have chanced it without some sort of motivation.

"No reason," Merlin mumbled, refusing to meet Gaius' concerned gaze.

"Merlin," Gaius said haltingly, before sighing again, "My boy, you cannot keep blaming yourself for what happened. Morgana was-"

"I know, Gaius," Merlin interrupted, not really wanting to hear Gaius try to make him feel okay about this. There was nothing right about what he had done, whatever his mentor said, "I don't blame myself. That's not why I did it."

The physician opened his mouth to say something, but seemed to think better of it. He regarded him quietly.

"Alright," the old man said finally, looking away and handing him the vials, "Drink these. One should clear up the headache and the other will help with the nausea."

"Thank you," Merlin muttered, also looking away.

They sat in awkward silence.

"Well," Gaius said, pushing himself to his feet and picking up his rounds kit once more, "I must get to work. The prince knows you will not be in today. Drink water and try to get some rest."

"Okay," Merlin replied, downing the potions quickly and grimacing at the taste, "Have a good day."

Gaius nodded, "I'll be back to check on you later." And then he was gone.

Merlin sighed and lay back, throwing an arm over his eyes to block out the sunlight, already feeling his headache begin to ebb away. It didn't feel right, lying to Gaius. The whole mess with Morgana had been exactly why he'd done it. He had needed to try and forget for a little while. But the only thing he hated more than lying to the older man was worrying him.

'He worries too much,' Merlin thought heavily.

'But he cares for you,' whispered a voice in his head that sounded oddly like Arthur's, 'Do not take that so lightly.'

'He cares too much too.' Merlin rolled over, burying his head in the pillow in an attempt to block out the early morning sunlight, feeling the heavy weight of depression sink over him again like a dark blanket. He just didn't know what to do anymore.

* * *

Someone was poking him. Someone was poking him repeatedly. How irritating. Vaguely, Merlin realized that he had fallen back to sleep, but mostly his sleep-deprived brain processed only that someone was poking him and he wanted them to stop.

'Stop that,' he grumbled mentally, eyes still closed as he attempted to bat the hand away.

"Merlin," someone sang, "Merlin, wake up!"

"Go away," he mumbled, still trying to get that damned hand to stop poking him.

"Now really, Merlin," the voice chastised, but still sounding more amused than angry, "Is that any way to address your prince?"

Merlin paused in his half-hearted attempts to get this irritating person to stop bothering him. No, it can't be...

"Arthur?" Merlin asked incredulously as he finally recognized the voice and opened his eyes only to be blinded by the darkness that now enveloped the room.

"No. Its god," said a shadowed figure next to him, "I'm here to call you on a holy mission. Its called stop being a lazy buffoon and wake up."

"You can be a real prat sometimes, you know that?" Merlin replied grumpily as his eyes adjusted. He pushed himself into a sitting position and he was very happy to find that the excruciating pain in his head had dulled to a tolerable ache and the overwhelming nausea was now all but gone, "What do you want?"

"Just wanted to check on you," Arthur said, his face suddenly flashing into view as he lit the candle resting on the warlock's bedside table making Merlin blink repeatedly, "You've been sleeping most of the day."

"Well, I'm feeling better now," the servant replied with a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, "Thanks for the concern, but I should be fully recovered and back to work by tomorrow."

"Good, good," Arthur said, almost a little too casually and there was an odd glint in his eye that made Merlin worried, "I had worried after seeing the state you were in last night."

All the blood in Merlin's veins froze and he felt his heart skip a beat, "What?"

"Didn't Gaius tell you?" Arthur said with an air of mock surprise, "I was the one who found you completely pissed in the stables and had to carry you back to the castle."

Merlin's eyes widened in horror, "No."

"Oh yes," Arthur said with relish and Merlin now recognized the glint in his eye as the sadistic one Arthur had often worn when Merlin had first started working for him, "We had quite an interesting chat."

Merlin was sure he was going to hyperventilate. He tried to calm himself while also frantically wracking his brain for any memory of the night before. But there was nothing. The last thing he remembered was cracking open that first bottle of gin and everything else was a blur. He had just assumed he'd stumbled back to his room before passing out. He'd never considered, never dreamed-

"W-we did?" Merlin stuttered. He had to strain to hear Arthur's reply through the cacophony of noise in his own head. His internal voices were screaming. 'What did I say?' Merlin thought frantically, 'What did I _say_?'

"Indeed we did," Arthur concurred, with an evil grin, "Fascinating actually. Merlin, why didn't you ever tell me that you and the Great Dragon are family?"

Merlin's heart leapt into his throat and he let out a choked sound that was a cross between a grunt and a rather unmanly squeak, "What?"

"Or," Arthur went on, a viscous smirk blooming across his face, "how Morgana is actually a sorceress?"

Merlin lost all ability to talk as sheer terror froze all brain processes, his eyes as wide as saucers now.

"Or," Arthur's expression had become feral now in his vindictive amusement, "how you actually were the one to save Camelot from the sleeping spell?"

Merlin gulped and stared at Arthur in terror, feeling as though his tongue has somehow become glued to the roof of his mouth, '_I am never drinking again!_'

"Well?" Arthur prompted, looking downright gleeful, "Come on, Merlin. Don't be shy. You were extremely chatty last night. Don't you have anything to say?"

Merlin attempted to articulate a reply, his mouth opening and closing like a fish, as terror flooded every inch of his being. He gazed uncertainly at the satisfied prince.

"I-," he stuttered finally, "I d-don't know what you're talking about."

"You mean you don't remember?" Arthur said, looking a tad disappointed, "Shame. It was such an interesting tale too."

Merlin did not reply immediately as he tried to work out what on earth he should say to rectify the situation. He couldn't believe he had told the prince all that. He was such an idiot! He had no recollection of talking to Arthur at all. But he must have, or how else could Arthur have known?

"You-," Merlin hesitated, swallowing thickly, "You don't really believe any of that, do you?"

"Well, I don't know...," the prince said slowly, looking thoughtful, "I mean, it explains a lot doesn't it?"

Merlin froze, staring at him wide eyed.

"If you're part dragon, maybe that can account for your incredible lack of coordination."

Merlin just kept staring.

"Oh really Merlin, of course I don't," Arthur snorted derisively, "What do you take me for?"

Merlin sagged in relief. Arthur didn't believe it. He was safe.

"But Merlin," Arthur's voice had grown serious suddenly, "We do need to talk about this."

Merlin nodded in resignation and glanced at him guiltily, "I'm sorry, sire. It was very irresponsible of me to act as I did. It won't happen again."

"Good," Arthur said firmly, "because I don't ever want to have Gaius knocking on my door again, frantic about where you've gotten to just because you decided it would be a good idea to get so drunk you can't remember your own name. Am I understood?"

"I couldn't remember my name?"

"_Merlin_..."

"Yes, sire. I understand."

"That's a first," Arthur said with a smirk and Merlin scowled at him.

"Now," the prince said, leaning forward with his arms resting on his knees, giving Merlin a searching look, "We need to talk about this."

"Er," Merlin said confused, "Didn't we just?"

"No," Arthur replied shortly.

The prince regarded him silently and Merlin shifted him uncomfortably, giving the blonde a questioning look.

Arthur only looked at him searchingly, but what he was looking for the warlock didn't know.

Finally, the tension became too much.

"What?" Merlin asked, avoiding the blonde's gaze.

"What is going on with you?" Arthur asked bluntly, giving his servant a hard look.

Merlin looked up at the prince in surprise, "What do you mean?"

"Despite my claims to the contrary," he answered, raising an eyebrow, "You never drink. Ever. And certainly never enough to get trashed."

Merlin cleared his throat and averted his eyes, "So?"

"So what's going on with you?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me," Arthur said sternly.

"I'm not lying," Merlin argued, desperately wishing that Arthur would just let it go, "I'm fine. Really."

"No you're not," Arthur replied firmly, eyes scanning him pointedly and Merlin winced, knowing his appearance was certainly not going to help his case.

"Well, not right now," the warlock conceded, "I'm a bit hungover at the moment, but, apart from that, I'm right as rain."

"No you're not," Arthur repeated stubbornly.

"Yes I am," Merlin replied, sighing in exasperation.

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not. "

"Yes I-"

"Oh for godsake! What are we? Seven?"

"You started it," Merlin said sulkily.

"Very mature, Merlin," Arthur said, rolling his eyes.

"Thanks."

"Now, what's going on with you?"

Merlin threw his hands up in frustration.

"You're not to blame for Morgana's kidnapping, you know."

The effect was immediate. At the very mention of the king's missing ward, Merlin froze and his expression closed up faster than you could blink. "What are you talking about?" he asked, voice and face determinedly blank, but Arthur wasn't fooled.

"Morgause is a sorceress," Arthur continued, ignoring him but watching Merlin's reaction closely, "There's nothing you could have done against someone with that sort of power."

"Arthur-," Merlin said in a strained voice, but Arthur cut him off.

"No, listen to me," Merlin obediently fell silent, though his body was still very tense, "Last night you were trying to convince me that you had poisoned Morgana and were responsible for her death. You're obviously feeling guilty about the whole situation. But there was nothing you could have done. You'd never win against a sorceress like Morgause. Please believe that."

Merlin did not reply, lost once more in the events of that horrific day. He didn't deserve Arthur's reassurance or forgiveness and he knew that he would never have had it if Arthur was aware of the whole story. He should have beaten her. He should have been able to stop her and the knights. But he hadn't. Arthur should not be here comforting him for almost failing Camelot and for attempting to murder the woman who was practically his sister. His heart ached at the memory of what he had done. He had betrayed her. There had to have been another way. He shouldn't have allowed himself to get so caught up in the heat of the moment when making such a drastic decision. Murder, even just attempted, was unforgivable and there was no going back.

"I know, Arthur," Merlin forced himself to utter quietly, still not meeting the prince's eyes, "I don't blame myself."

"I hope that's true," Arthur said seriously, crossing his arms, "because you shouldn't."

Merlin only nodded and the two fell into a tense silence.

"Well," Arthur said finally, standing up, "I've got to get back to my chambers. There's a report I need to finish for my father. I'll expect you to be on time tomorrow morning."

"Yes, sire," Merlin replied with a slight inclination of the head, seeming relieved at the change of topic.

Arthur turned and headed towards the door, before glancing back, "Get some rest."

Merlin nodded again, and looked away.

The warlock listened as Arthur shut the bedroom door behind him and descended the stairs, saying goodbye to Gaius. Then, he sighed and lay back down on his pillows, though any trace of weariness had gone. His mind was in far too much turmoil to sleep. He would be getting no more rest tonight.

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